The 60 Second Secret For Getting Your Kids To Obey The First Time


In this video, I just want to give you a quick little parenting tip that I use. I have a lot of kids and I read a lot of books on parenting because I want to be the best dad that I can. So I’ve got this little tip that I want to share with you on just a simple 60 second secret to get your kids to obey you the first time you tell him to do something, the first time.

Parents Train Kids Not To Listen, Shocking!

Just imagine how great that would be. You tell little Johnny, “Hey Johnny, go clean up your room”. And the first time, Johnny cleans up his room. That would be awesome. Wouldn’t it? We all love that as parents. But, of course, the reality is that doesn’t happen. You’ve got to tell Johnny two or three times and maybe that doesn’t even work. And we all know the problem. So, I want to give you just a little tip that I have to kind of fix this problem and really you know the main issue here I think the main problem is that parents have trained their kids to not listen. I see it all the time.

Their kids are doing something wrong. The parents says, “don’t do that“. He keeps going. Parent says again, “I’m telling you Johnny don’t do that“. They play baseball, you know, three strikes you’re out. Or they start counting down. “I’ll give you five seconds – four, three,…” and all this does is that it trains your kids to think that your words don’t matter.

if you don’t enforce your commands the first time, you are training your kids to not listen to those commands.

At least your first commands, they don’t mean anything because there’s nothing behind it. You’re not going to back them up. And so, if you don’t enforce your commands the first time, you are training your kids to not listen to those commands. The message that you’re sending is that my words don’t matter, my words are not valuable, you need not listen to them. That’s the problem. You have to stop doing that. You have to take care of your own words seriously. Unless you take your word seriously, they’re not going to take them seriously either. So, your word has to be law. And laws have to be enforced.

A Practical Example

Let me give you just a little example. Let’s use “Dad” for a second. I know how this feels, trust me. Dad comes home from work and he’s tired and he’s been waiting all day to sit in this recliner, he gets it in his recliner, he’s got his coffee, maybe, his evening coffee, he’s got his newspaper which he opens it up to the sports page, he’s right to chill out and relax. Just got all accountable; chairs kick back, not even easy for him to get out of the chair. And he looks up and, sure enough, little Bobby is getting ready to hit his sister over the head with a toy. And so, Dad says, “Bobby, don’t hitch your sister. Do not hit your sister. Now Bobby has been around the block a few times. He knows how dad is. Dad’s looking all comfortable in his chair. He ain’t really going to get up and do anything about it. So Johnny realizes, hey, I can do this and get away with it. So, what does he do? He does what he wanted to do. He goes and box his sister on the head with a toy. So that’s what I had at the very sort of common scenario.

60 Seconds Secret

Now when this happens, Dad, when this happens the next 60 seconds are extremely important. What do you do in the next 60 seconds, when something like that happens, is very important. It may even determine how Bobby turns out as a teenager. You have to get up and enforce your words NOW. Put your paper down, get up out of the chair, walk over to Bobby, look him in the eye, and say, “Bobby, you did not obey me the first time“. And you have to, at that point, administer a proper amount of discipline, however you do that as a parent. So, you have to back up your commands. That’s what I’m saying. You have to back up your commands. You got to do all this and I know it’s inconvenient. I know you don’t want to do it. I know you’re tired.

End Result Of That 60 Seconds Secret

Well, here’s the good news about that. If you do that, if you get up out of your chair and take care of a situation, now the more you do that the first time, the more you take that initiative, enforce your words and to show Bobby that your words have value, the less you’ll have to do it. You won’t have to get out of your chair anymore once you show them that. You’ll be able to just lay there in your chair. I mean, think about how cool that would be, you can lay there in your chair with your newspaper, same situation, “Bobby don’t do that”. And Bobby doesn’t do that because he knows from experience that Dad’s going to back up his words. So, I know it’s inconvenient now but the inconvenience now is less than what it will be if you don’t do it. It’s a lot less than having a disobedient child. So the real here is that; never give a command that you’re not willing to follow up on. Do not give a command unless you’re willing to follow up on that command right away. If you’re not going to back it up you don’t issue the command. This is how you get first time obedience.


Imagine how great it would be if your kid obeyed your instructions the first time. We would all love that as parents, but the reality is that it doesn’t always happen. The main issue is that parents often train their kids to not listen and don’t even realize it. So here’s a quick tip to fix this problem and stop the countdowns, baseball tricks (3 strikes you’re out), and ideas of the like.

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Father of eight, Dr. Scott Sullivan is the chief instructor at Bam Bam Martial Arts in Houston, TX. He holds a doctorate in philosophy from the University of St. Thomas and is a seasoned martial arts instructor with over 30 years of experience. A firm believer that martial arts really does help people become more fit, safe, and happy, he remains vigilant about helping people improve their lives through martial arts.